Today seems like the first time for this year that I wake up for sahur. Nobody wake me up cause I asked my mum not to do so even though exams are over and also I really do not have the mood to eat. But here I am, waking up automatically , due to a pathetic dream, after eating my early breakfast which I do not really eat much and now unable to put myself to sleep.

Somehow or rather today feels like last year fasting month where I had to face some difficult situation which somewhat leads me to having no mood to try and taste any dishes prepared. This also happened when I break my fast. Its a bit of weird to see me eating so little, isn't it? Yet, I feel so sorry for my mum, cooking my favorite dish. History always repeats and I wonder why. Is it because I tend to repeat my mistakes or is it because I always I avoid it? Either way, both seems the same to me. However, I had a feeling my mum knows what happened to me recently. Still like last year, she understand why I do not eat so much like I usually do. Yeah, only she knows me well.

During the previous year, when I lie down, all I could do was tossed around on my bed, the first thing I did when I woke up was crying out really softly every day, going through things alone, am not able to concentrate in my studies or anything but I did made it though. And worst still, all I could do was nothing except stare at myself in the mirror. All of what happened last year kind of had the continuity of the story. I even asked myself why is this always happening to me and how long will it stays?

I wish it stops one day. If I could turn back time, I will make sure things do not go wrong or have everything done all over again. I know this is stupid, I cannot do such things. Shit does happen sometimes, but to me in all ways always.

I hope today will be a better day.(:

We celebrated Wajihah's surprised 17th birthday at Fish & Co. since she really wanted to try the food there. Dumb blinded, balloons, foods, travels, escalator, slide, laugh, screams, conversation, colours, presents, surprises, silly faces, snow city(?) and many more were all planned incredibly and smoothly for her. I hope it was an enjoyable day for her.

Guess what? I totally screwed my psychology and sociology paper just now. Never had I been in such a situation when my mind simply switched off every entire information for that particular exam. The moment I flipped it open, I had this vision as if I see lines instead of sentences. You can ask what the hell is wrong with me and I will tell you to mind your own business. I doubt you know where this is coming from? Because I, myself have no idea. My eyes were set staring on the question paper but my mind was elsewhere. I remembered clearly one thing that I thought of during the paper. It was actually a chain of what I conclude human like me to be like. It was funny actually. Whatever it is, screw me, what was I even thinking of.

There goes the truth. I know I am lying to myself. I never want to do this. I am no good at this. I know where what-we-are-coming-to. I refuse to understand it. I am always a coward when it comes to reality. Because the next moment it had me feeling so small. Escaping from getting what I hated to become, somewhat I choose to be ignorant. Eventually it will grow bigger and tougher when it returns. But yet I can never make myself face it; what's happening around feels like a world full of butterflies and flowers. To get the things now and the ones left behind is always what everyone want and dream even though thing does not go our own ways. I will have to take a few steps back. I will be able get this over and done with and I know I will feel way better and fine.

I know I should be sleeping by now, just to ease my mind for my MIC test later. I am being paranoid and my mind can't seem to stop wondering. I need to stop all this soon. Sigh.

At one point of time, everything seemed so beautiful. But the next moment, it all turned ugly and bitter. Its not the kind of fairytale on TV which always end happily ever after with butterflies and flowers around. If only this world is full of fantasy, I will be the happiest girl on the planet. I'm living on a world of reality that I might even feel like avoiding and running away. But either way, the reality will always get back to us and what's new? Face it. Even with that, I am still a happy girl with many girlfriends that I can rely and depend on. I love them.

I know I have this habit of keeping everything to myself. When you found out something new and want it to be kept as a secret, have you ever thought of telling everyone about it or will you just let certain people know about it? Yes, I admit I did that but I hate to have the thought of making anyone feeling hurt and abandon. Its not as if I'm doing on purpose. Everything happens for a reason but it is only meant to be a hidden truth.

Okay I miss one of my girls, Wajihah. :( Once I see her tomorrow, I will hug her tightly. Heh heh. And now, back to my studies. Kbye.

After breaking fast, watched sumpah pochong. The movie was not really scary. I think its my screams that add to the effect of it. But it was fun after all even though we didn't really get to watch it until the end. Heh :D

I wish that day didn't happen. What I wanted to say was a lie because it is just a game that happen to be a fact. It is like a maze that I purposely twisted and turned everything upside down, trying to make it as apparent as it may be but it is still vague. What did I just do? How can a game turn out to be so true?

I have a feeling that I will hit depression at any time. Bottling everything up inside me. I find it hard to trust anyone to let them know what I really and truly feel. Blogging alone does not really help even though I let go some of it here indirectly. I may be a person who seems cheerful and always smiling but whats left inside is undefined. A piece of me is still searching for the emergency exit to the way out of my situation. I'm just too tired to even feel like solving the problem. Instead I would prefer it to be forgotten. However, when I happen to remember it, it would actually replay inside my mind continuously. Things will eventually become worse. It is like a cycle of my memory except that the situation grew bigger each time. Oh well, what's new?

I never have an intention of hurting anyone. I do not understand why am I suppose to inform everything I did at every point of time. I have a life too. It is my life and that is how I want it to be led. I'm not trying to be demanding. Everyone have their own way of living. There was one time I completely change for someone and let me say this, it sucks. It totally do. By the end of the day, you will lose out and may not know where you're actually standing. Because you have no idea what is the purpose for doing it. So, why waste your time and life following what people want you to be like? For the past 17 years of my life, I can never figure out why am I being like this. It so happen that my instinct says that I am just what I am. Like it or not, accept me for what and who I am. I am just being myself.

Tomorrow is my first paper and I am so nervous. Grr. I better revise again. Good luck to those having exams :)

I would rather watch the huge orange ball against a deep blue ocean settling down over the horizon. Because what we are now stays as it is. This is what I would prefer my life to be like. Being what I am now is great yet unsatisfying. Even though there are quite a number ups and downs which I still and managed to pull things through with the help of my wonderful friends. Hopefully, everything will flow smoothly because there is nothing as wonderful as putting on a sincere smile on one's face.

If you notice this, almost all guys have one thing in common. They tend to say things that are never meant to be true. I'm not trying to imply that guys could not be trusted in a relationship but when it comes to after-the-end of a relationship, all their words are jumbled up and probably they want to forget what was said earlier or even they didn't want to admit if they really did say those words. I'm not upset or having any hard times with guys now. This is just a way to let things out. Do not be offended because this post is not about anyone :)

I have to finish up my FON revision before Thursday. Did I ever mention I hate exams? Grr, I'm so rushing for time right now. All I have to do now is mug and mug and mug until exams are over. However still, there will be more to come. I better get my eyes on my revision notes instead of blogging and wasting more time here.

I'm becoming more and more lazy to blog :((

Exams are around the corner. This means that my cycle of life will be a bore because all that I will be doing is study, eat, sleep, wake up. Hmpf. What a life.

Followed by holidays which doesn't really feel like holidays. Because of clinical attachment which happens to clash with the first three weeks of Hari Raya. This basically means that I have only the last week to enjoy -.- And the last week of my holiday, I'll be having another class outing.

Winnie is so free that she blogged about me. Now is my turn :D I tell you already, don't want listen right? Now you see this :D


Okay, I am super tired already. Tomorrow's gonna be the same like every day. Right now, I can't wait for Monday just to see my SSA partner. :P

P.S Winnie, I'm bringing him on Monday. Muahahaha. By the way, this post about Winnie is not true. Just a way to disturb her :)

I just have to stop all this nonsense because I know people couldn't care less about every typical problems human normally face. Even if they care, it can never last that long. Probably it is because after a point of time, they came into a conclusion and decided to let everything go with the flow which basically indicates that they couldn't be bothered with it. Again, the whole situation is back to square one. Why waste so much time on such a typical problem and in the end worsen the situation where you can enjoy your life while it last? I may not know where this post is getting from but all I know is that every single little thing you do, there will always be a hidden truth because things happen for a reason; be it happy or sad (:

Before I revise my MIC mock test for tomorrow, I have something interesting and awesome news to share :D Maybe not really that awesome but it's just funny.

It's about this girl who looks as if she's eating because of her swollen cheek and also opening and closing her mouth constantly like a fish but actually she's not. She can't even talk properly because of her mouth which is senget to the one side. Even with this kind of situation, she is still stubborn! Still wants to eat chocolate. And that girl is none other than NUR SHAFIKA BTE JAFFAR!

Today seems like the first time for this year that I wake up for sahur. Nobody wake me up cause I asked my mum not to do so even though exams are over and also I really do not have the mood to eat. But here I am, waking up automatically , due to a pathetic dream, after eating my early breakfast which I do not really eat much and now unable to put myself to sleep.

Somehow or rather today feels like last year fasting month where I had to face some difficult situation which somewhat leads me to having no mood to try and taste any dishes prepared. This also happened when I break my fast. Its a bit of weird to see me eating so little, isn't it? Yet, I feel so sorry for my mum, cooking my favorite dish. History always repeats and I wonder why. Is it because I tend to repeat my mistakes or is it because I always I avoid it? Either way, both seems the same to me. However, I had a feeling my mum knows what happened to me recently. Still like last year, she understand why I do not eat so much like I usually do. Yeah, only she knows me well.

During the previous year, when I lie down, all I could do was tossed around on my bed, the first thing I did when I woke up was crying out really softly every day, going through things alone, am not able to concentrate in my studies or anything but I did made it though. And worst still, all I could do was nothing except stare at myself in the mirror. All of what happened last year kind of had the continuity of the story. I even asked myself why is this always happening to me and how long will it stays?

I wish it stops one day. If I could turn back time, I will make sure things do not go wrong or have everything done all over again. I know this is stupid, I cannot do such things. Shit does happen sometimes, but to me in all ways always.

I hope today will be a better day.(:

We celebrated Wajihah's surprised 17th birthday at Fish & Co. since she really wanted to try the food there. Dumb blinded, balloons, foods, travels, escalator, slide, laugh, screams, conversation, colours, presents, surprises, silly faces, snow city(?) and many more were all planned incredibly and smoothly for her. I hope it was an enjoyable day for her.

Guess what? I totally screwed my psychology and sociology paper just now. Never had I been in such a situation when my mind simply switched off every entire information for that particular exam. The moment I flipped it open, I had this vision as if I see lines instead of sentences. You can ask what the hell is wrong with me and I will tell you to mind your own business. I doubt you know where this is coming from? Because I, myself have no idea. My eyes were set staring on the question paper but my mind was elsewhere. I remembered clearly one thing that I thought of during the paper. It was actually a chain of what I conclude human like me to be like. It was funny actually. Whatever it is, screw me, what was I even thinking of.

There goes the truth. I know I am lying to myself. I never want to do this. I am no good at this. I know where what-we-are-coming-to. I refuse to understand it. I am always a coward when it comes to reality. Because the next moment it had me feeling so small. Escaping from getting what I hated to become, somewhat I choose to be ignorant. Eventually it will grow bigger and tougher when it returns. But yet I can never make myself face it; what's happening around feels like a world full of butterflies and flowers. To get the things now and the ones left behind is always what everyone want and dream even though thing does not go our own ways. I will have to take a few steps back. I will be able get this over and done with and I know I will feel way better and fine.

I know I should be sleeping by now, just to ease my mind for my MIC test later. I am being paranoid and my mind can't seem to stop wondering. I need to stop all this soon. Sigh.

At one point of time, everything seemed so beautiful. But the next moment, it all turned ugly and bitter. Its not the kind of fairytale on TV which always end happily ever after with butterflies and flowers around. If only this world is full of fantasy, I will be the happiest girl on the planet. I'm living on a world of reality that I might even feel like avoiding and running away. But either way, the reality will always get back to us and what's new? Face it. Even with that, I am still a happy girl with many girlfriends that I can rely and depend on. I love them.

I know I have this habit of keeping everything to myself. When you found out something new and want it to be kept as a secret, have you ever thought of telling everyone about it or will you just let certain people know about it? Yes, I admit I did that but I hate to have the thought of making anyone feeling hurt and abandon. Its not as if I'm doing on purpose. Everything happens for a reason but it is only meant to be a hidden truth.

Okay I miss one of my girls, Wajihah. :( Once I see her tomorrow, I will hug her tightly. Heh heh. And now, back to my studies. Kbye.

After breaking fast, watched sumpah pochong. The movie was not really scary. I think its my screams that add to the effect of it. But it was fun after all even though we didn't really get to watch it until the end. Heh :D

I wish that day didn't happen. What I wanted to say was a lie because it is just a game that happen to be a fact. It is like a maze that I purposely twisted and turned everything upside down, trying to make it as apparent as it may be but it is still vague. What did I just do? How can a game turn out to be so true?

I have a feeling that I will hit depression at any time. Bottling everything up inside me. I find it hard to trust anyone to let them know what I really and truly feel. Blogging alone does not really help even though I let go some of it here indirectly. I may be a person who seems cheerful and always smiling but whats left inside is undefined. A piece of me is still searching for the emergency exit to the way out of my situation. I'm just too tired to even feel like solving the problem. Instead I would prefer it to be forgotten. However, when I happen to remember it, it would actually replay inside my mind continuously. Things will eventually become worse. It is like a cycle of my memory except that the situation grew bigger each time. Oh well, what's new?

I never have an intention of hurting anyone. I do not understand why am I suppose to inform everything I did at every point of time. I have a life too. It is my life and that is how I want it to be led. I'm not trying to be demanding. Everyone have their own way of living. There was one time I completely change for someone and let me say this, it sucks. It totally do. By the end of the day, you will lose out and may not know where you're actually standing. Because you have no idea what is the purpose for doing it. So, why waste your time and life following what people want you to be like? For the past 17 years of my life, I can never figure out why am I being like this. It so happen that my instinct says that I am just what I am. Like it or not, accept me for what and who I am. I am just being myself.

Tomorrow is my first paper and I am so nervous. Grr. I better revise again. Good luck to those having exams :)

I would rather watch the huge orange ball against a deep blue ocean settling down over the horizon. Because what we are now stays as it is. This is what I would prefer my life to be like. Being what I am now is great yet unsatisfying. Even though there are quite a number ups and downs which I still and managed to pull things through with the help of my wonderful friends. Hopefully, everything will flow smoothly because there is nothing as wonderful as putting on a sincere smile on one's face.

If you notice this, almost all guys have one thing in common. They tend to say things that are never meant to be true. I'm not trying to imply that guys could not be trusted in a relationship but when it comes to after-the-end of a relationship, all their words are jumbled up and probably they want to forget what was said earlier or even they didn't want to admit if they really did say those words. I'm not upset or having any hard times with guys now. This is just a way to let things out. Do not be offended because this post is not about anyone :)

I have to finish up my FON revision before Thursday. Did I ever mention I hate exams? Grr, I'm so rushing for time right now. All I have to do now is mug and mug and mug until exams are over. However still, there will be more to come. I better get my eyes on my revision notes instead of blogging and wasting more time here.

I'm becoming more and more lazy to blog :((

Exams are around the corner. This means that my cycle of life will be a bore because all that I will be doing is study, eat, sleep, wake up. Hmpf. What a life.

Followed by holidays which doesn't really feel like holidays. Because of clinical attachment which happens to clash with the first three weeks of Hari Raya. This basically means that I have only the last week to enjoy -.- And the last week of my holiday, I'll be having another class outing.

Winnie is so free that she blogged about me. Now is my turn :D I tell you already, don't want listen right? Now you see this :D


Okay, I am super tired already. Tomorrow's gonna be the same like every day. Right now, I can't wait for Monday just to see my SSA partner. :P

P.S Winnie, I'm bringing him on Monday. Muahahaha. By the way, this post about Winnie is not true. Just a way to disturb her :)

I just have to stop all this nonsense because I know people couldn't care less about every typical problems human normally face. Even if they care, it can never last that long. Probably it is because after a point of time, they came into a conclusion and decided to let everything go with the flow which basically indicates that they couldn't be bothered with it. Again, the whole situation is back to square one. Why waste so much time on such a typical problem and in the end worsen the situation where you can enjoy your life while it last? I may not know where this post is getting from but all I know is that every single little thing you do, there will always be a hidden truth because things happen for a reason; be it happy or sad (:

Before I revise my MIC mock test for tomorrow, I have something interesting and awesome news to share :D Maybe not really that awesome but it's just funny.

It's about this girl who looks as if she's eating because of her swollen cheek and also opening and closing her mouth constantly like a fish but actually she's not. She can't even talk properly because of her mouth which is senget to the one side. Even with this kind of situation, she is still stubborn! Still wants to eat chocolate. And that girl is none other than NUR SHAFIKA BTE JAFFAR!