Today seems like the first time for this year that I wake up for sahur. Nobody wake me up cause I asked my mum not to do so even though exams are over and also I really do not have the mood to eat. But here I am, waking up automatically , due to a pathetic dream, after eating my early breakfast which I do not really eat much and now unable to put myself to sleep.

Somehow or rather today feels like last year fasting month where I had to face some difficult situation which somewhat leads me to having no mood to try and taste any dishes prepared. This also happened when I break my fast. Its a bit of weird to see me eating so little, isn't it? Yet, I feel so sorry for my mum, cooking my favorite dish. History always repeats and I wonder why. Is it because I tend to repeat my mistakes or is it because I always I avoid it? Either way, both seems the same to me. However, I had a feeling my mum knows what happened to me recently. Still like last year, she understand why I do not eat so much like I usually do. Yeah, only she knows me well.

During the previous year, when I lie down, all I could do was tossed around on my bed, the first thing I did when I woke up was crying out really softly every day, going through things alone, am not able to concentrate in my studies or anything but I did made it though. And worst still, all I could do was nothing except stare at myself in the mirror. All of what happened last year kind of had the continuity of the story. I even asked myself why is this always happening to me and how long will it stays?

I wish it stops one day. If I could turn back time, I will make sure things do not go wrong or have everything done all over again. I know this is stupid, I cannot do such things. Shit does happen sometimes, but to me in all ways always.

I hope today will be a better day.(:

Today seems like the first time for this year that I wake up for sahur. Nobody wake me up cause I asked my mum not to do so even though exams are over and also I really do not have the mood to eat. But here I am, waking up automatically , due to a pathetic dream, after eating my early breakfast which I do not really eat much and now unable to put myself to sleep.

Somehow or rather today feels like last year fasting month where I had to face some difficult situation which somewhat leads me to having no mood to try and taste any dishes prepared. This also happened when I break my fast. Its a bit of weird to see me eating so little, isn't it? Yet, I feel so sorry for my mum, cooking my favorite dish. History always repeats and I wonder why. Is it because I tend to repeat my mistakes or is it because I always I avoid it? Either way, both seems the same to me. However, I had a feeling my mum knows what happened to me recently. Still like last year, she understand why I do not eat so much like I usually do. Yeah, only she knows me well.

During the previous year, when I lie down, all I could do was tossed around on my bed, the first thing I did when I woke up was crying out really softly every day, going through things alone, am not able to concentrate in my studies or anything but I did made it though. And worst still, all I could do was nothing except stare at myself in the mirror. All of what happened last year kind of had the continuity of the story. I even asked myself why is this always happening to me and how long will it stays?

I wish it stops one day. If I could turn back time, I will make sure things do not go wrong or have everything done all over again. I know this is stupid, I cannot do such things. Shit does happen sometimes, but to me in all ways always.

I hope today will be a better day.(: